on august 13, 2005, amy and i kicked off mamazine.com at a super fun launch party. i already knew i was pregnant (a whopping five and half weeks in) for the second time (clyde being the first), and i was thrilled. ed was stoic and freaked like he always is when he’s processing major life changes.
on august 27, i miscarried at seven and a half weeks along. i started spotting in the morning and by early that evening, before it was even dark, it was over.
ed was giving a bachelor party for his good friend here at the house that evening. clyde and i had already planned to stay out at my mom’s for the night. since i didn’t know what was going to happen, we didn’t cancel the plans. it was slightly surreal when the pregnancy ended on the same exact toilet where i started my period a billion years earlier. i called my mom to come be with me, just like back then.
on august 29, 2005, i posted this poem on my personal blog:
The Flower
by elizabeth robinson
All that I can say is that I feel
something I am a warrior
It is speech And all the parts of me
are hunting All the particles
are eating at air
The parts of words eat at bits of
sweets because they cannot be the bearers
of anything else
This was something I had to say and
it was better than pursuit
The air itself eats that praise even though
it can’t make sense No I’m coming
back I could be a warrior
who speaks in a way no one understands
Something is opening
That had to be exacting
It is stirred up in me the direction I grow
the numbers I bend I can’t
defend myself from what I inhale
If I am hunting I am freeing myself
the parts of me the air
all clear in this sentence
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