into my arms

did anyone hear nick cave on fresh air yesterday? loved!

i only love nick cave’s music by accident. when i met ed over ten years ago, he played his CDs over and over and over. even once we got married almost eight years ago and moved into this house, i would still hear nick’s heavy “into my arms” voice floating occasionally from ed’s garage studio where he was painting into my head here inside the house where i was/am (supposed to be and sometimes actually was/am) writing.

oh my god. i really cannot remember our lives before children. i don’t understand how it must have worked. i can’t remember how we worked, especially in our creative lives. i don’t really think we were any more productive with all that “time” we may have had or not had. having children has just changed our focus, led us down creative paths we may have never known. me to blogging and photographing our life and to a quadrillion other creativities via the late-night internets. ed to guitar, to coffee roasting, and even back to a little painting again. the creative-ness has to go somewhere, right? even in smaller pulses. even in found time.

right now i am feeling very open again, working on some new things and some old but mostly some old loves. bringing them back to me. trying them on my oldest but newest self. seeing how they feel from here where i stand today, seeing if i can really let them go this time.

in fact, ed and i are both having creative “moments” at the time, which is great, i suppose. but it also keeps us apart in many ways. the kids go to bed, and we practically run to our respective posts—dear god, the quiet and the uninterruptedness!—me in front of the computer, him into the studio. happily, i can see him from my desk. in that white light of the dark night filling his soul. that helps with the distance i feel. cause i know we need this time. he seriously needs this time. but i also worry about it a lot and long for the coming together again. it does seem part of the cycle at our house. this circle of filling and creating and then coming back to each other. that is the goal anyway. the goal that ultimately means the house will never get clean, but i don’t really care. as long as there is some happiness and fulfillment and lots of time with my husband and my boys coming back into my arms between the muck and minutiae, that’s all i care about really.

***

two great moments in the nick cave interview:

when terry gross asks him about his heroin use and says it must’ve been hard to quit since it took him so long, he says:

“actually it wasn’t hard. once i decided i’d stop, it was quite easy. the problem was getting to the point where i wanted to stop.”

later when terry reads him a piece of his wikepedia, which says some people may find his songs depressing, nick responds:

“you know, it worries me. that’s always worried me, and it’s something that you’re going to get if you make certain kinds of music. but the thought that my music depresses people is horrifying. i would hate my music to depress people…

…the creative process is a positive thing. i don’t write when i’m depressed, which is actually rare. if i’m depressed, i’m not doing anything, and i’m not able to do anything. so there might be some melancholic songs in there, but you can’t write something unless the spirit takes you. that’s a positive and optimistic thing in my view.

:: inspiring happy
nick cave on fresh air • mama focus photo contest

:: wanting
connections • focus • meaningful reflection

:: watching & reading
before the devil knows your dead • LOST (i have no idea what’s going on)