vote NO on prop 8

“Prop 8 would eliminate equal protections and put discrimination into our state constitution.”

so this weekend i am going to marry my best friend.

no, this is not a silly, hallmarky way of saying i’m marrying ed again. once has stuck with us just fine. what i mean is that i’ve been deputized as a marriage commissioner in order to perform the marriage of my best friend K + S, her girlfriend of five years.

i was beyond honored when K + S asked me to perform their marriage ceremony. i mean, wow! holy hell! i’m scared and worried but hopeful that i’ll deliver all the right words and meaning for them on their special day.

but right now, this honor goes even deeper. frickin’ bone marrow deeper for me!

you see, back in june, in my california, gays and lesbians were finally given their constitutional (and state-recognized) right to marry. but this coming november, a large number of my fellow californians are seeking not only to take this marriage right away but to amend our constitution to provide that only a marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in california.

but let me back up a little. last week, i went down to the sacramento county clerk/recorder’s office to get sworn in—part of the process for becoming a one-time deputy marriage commissioner. it was a lovely fall day and i was walking fast, running late for my appointment time cause i parked too far away and went to the wrong building at first. it was hard not to get wrapped up as i walked in all the adorable acorn droppings of october. i wanted to gather them all up to keep. they were just so pretty. but i pushed along to my appointment. because today, this was more important.

as i approached the corner of the correct office building, i noticed a couple of women surrounded by a group of friends standing out on the sidewalk, probably just about to get married. smilesmilesmile. i rushed by and went into the building.

once inside, i came upon another couple in the lobby area, standing all gussied up alongside a set of parents. these two women were fairly young, and one was obviously super nervous. wedding day jitters just like i had eight years ago. or more like ed had, as seen in our wedding video, where he was chainsmoking his frickin’ head off. lots of people get married too young, in my opinion. but these two were as ready as can be, and i’ve been wrong before, a million times before. i sat back and smiled some more, as they giggled nervously and took turns visiting the drinking fountain. the set of parents seemed thrilled and supportive too, and it was a lovely thing to witness.

a man and a woman came in next. a busy morning at the county clerk/recorder’s office. and wow, such a perfect one. a wonderful little bubble in the world where anyone was allowed to marry the person they love and choose to marry. the lucky feeling was palpable for me.

soon enough my name was called, and the woman across a desk filled me in on all my duties as a deputy marriage commissioner. they seemed easy enough. i signed and agreed to the task at hand.

“now raise your right hand,” she said.

i was dutiful. my arm a perfect right angle of eager beaver obedience.

“do you, sheri, solemnly swear to faithfully discharge the duties of the office of deputy commissioner of civil marriages in and for sacramento county to the best of your skill and ability?”

i was probably nodding with happy, but i wasn’t prepared for what came next.

“do you, sheri, solemnly swear to uphold the constitution of the united states of america, and the constitution of the state of california.”

the hope and happy in my chest suddenly burst. unexpectedly, tears filled my eyes and a lump filled my throat. a flashback of the earlier-heard radio news story, covering the supporters of this discriminating amendment, chattered inside my head. i remembered the sign i passed on the drive into downtown: NO on Prop H8. i signed my final document, took my envelope full of the “paperwork of love” and headed back onto the street. the group of women were still gathering outside. there was lots of laughter, and as i whisked past, i burst into gut-tightening tears.

i didn’t know it was coming. it’s just that all the sudden i realized how much is at stake.

you see. this could all be a short-lived dream—this world i was living in and experiencing in this moment. this world of incredibly evolved hope and tolerance and this willingness to believe the world could become more open, more full of love, rather than more closed and tightly bound. my chest was heaving in crying, my lips quivering, almost too dramatically for the moment where i stood. i mean, things aren’t that bad. the world and this country are good overall.

but all i could feel as i dashed down the sidewalk scattered in yellow leaves was the roadblock. the roadblock put up by human beings who refuse to see and honor the existence of the real, heart-pounding love and relationships, which may seem different but really aren’t. and i was one of them. just then. i was one, refusing to bask in the love that exists and only seeing the hate. simply put, i was momentarily stricken with the worry that our inability to love one another wholly and openly is holding us back from everything.

i don’t want to be held back from celebrating and validating this love. the love between S + K. the love between many other women and men in this state and beyond. i want it to shine like the golden autumn sun. i want it to be honored and recognized.

so yes, this saturday, i plan to do my sworn-in duty to uphold the constitution and then on november 4th, i plan to vote NO on prop 8, this discriminatory amendment to that very constitution. i hope those of you in california will join me.